


somewhere in the middle (put my mind at ease)

by natural_singularity



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Coda, Episode: s03e18 What’s Next?, Fluff, Gen, Light Angst, M/M, Not Beta Read, Pre-Slash, mostly just Buck thinkin his thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 06:01:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24140059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natural_singularity/pseuds/natural_singularity
Summary: “I’m fine, man,” he says, eyes downcast at his shoes, fidgeting with the strap of his own bag.And he is, really. At least he thinks so. He’s been over Abby for ages, it’s not like he’s jealous, or heartbroken. He’s mostly just… surprised. Floored. Confused?(coda to 3x18)
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), past Evan "Buck" Buckley/Abby Clark - Relationship
Comments: 20
Kudos: 242





	somewhere in the middle (put my mind at ease)

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this on my phone, in my bed, in the hour or so after the episode aired. Please forgive any mistakes!

Even facing his locker, he can feel Eddie’s eyes on him, notices in his peripheral vision Eddie glancing over at him every few seconds.

They’re back at the station, showered and dressed in civvies again after the train derailment. After rescuing Georgia. After rescuing Sam.

After Abby.

Buck lets out a small sigh as he closes his locker, resisting the urge to bang his head against the unforgiving metal. He rolls his shoulders and tries to relieve a tension in his muscles that’s not from exertion. At least not physical.

“Hey.”

He looks over to Eddie, who has closed his own locker and turned towards him, duffel on his back and keys in his hand. Buck tries to offer him a small smile, a reassurance that he’s okay, but he’s pretty sure it’s more of a grimace.

Eddie’s eyes narrow slightly, analyzing, dancing over Buck’s face as he tries to make sense of Buck’s expression, of what he’s thinking.

 _Good luck_. Buck’s not even sure what he’s thinking.

He feels Eddie’s hand on the curve of his neck, startling him as he realizes Eddie has moved closer. A thumb rubs slightly at his collarbone.

Buck’s reminded of that morning in his loft, when he felt battered and bruised and cut open, not just physically. When this man trusted him with the person he loves most in this world, even when Buck’s confidence was shattered, ripped to pieces by an unforgiving wave.

He thinks he sees that same tenderness (fondness?) in Eddie’s eyes now.

“You should come over,” Eddie says, offering him a half smile.

Buck’s not sure he likes that smile. The sympathy shining in his eyes and stretching across his mouth... he can’t help but feel pitied.

“I’m fine, man,” he says, eyes downcast at his shoes, fidgeting with the strap of his own bag.

And he is, really. At least he thinks so. He’s been over Abby for ages, it’s not like he’s jealous, or heartbroken. He’s mostly just… surprised. Floored. Confused?

Buck feels Eddie’s hand squeeze his shoulder, and looks up again to see him nodding. He’s more than likely placating him, but not really believing him. That’s how it usually goes anyway.

“Sure, yeah. But Chris has been begging for your pancakes, and we’re all free for breakfast for once, so…”

Buck lets out a surprised laugh, nodding slightly. “Fair enough. And we all know you can’t be trusted,” he teases.

Eddie smirks at him and knocks their shoulders together gently, ushering him out of the locker room. “Rude.”

When they reach the parking lot and break off to their own cars, Eddie calls out to him, “See you at home,” and Buck, well. Buck can’t help but smile a bit at that.

‘Cause the thing is… the thing is, Buck’s not _sad_ , exactly. He’s more angry than anything. Frustrated.

Because Abby left, and she wasn’t honest with him when she left, and he fucking waited. And waited. And _waited_. And she never really broke things off, decided that fading out of his life before full-on ghosting him was… better? than a real conversation.

And isn’t that ironic. The relationship he felt helped him grow and mature, ended in such a juvenile, cowardly way.

Maybe that’s not fair. Buck’s dissected it all before, attempted to rationalize the situation to ease his own hurt feelings.

Maybe Abby thought she’d come back, but the more time she spent away, the harder it was to call Los Angeles home. The harder it was to have that conversation with him.

Maybe Abby didn’t want to end things with him like her ex-boyfriend ended things with her, scared that he would feel like she broke his heart without warning and without care.

Maybe Abby expected him to break up with her first, so she wouldn’t have to be the bad guy.

Or maybe Abby just needed that security blanket, that comfort of knowing he loved her, believed in her, wanted the best from her, all from the place she once called home.

Maybe she was scared he wouldn’t feel all those things for her anyway, even if she was honest and ended their relationship before she left.

So, maybe… maybe Abby didn’t know him that well at all.

Buck parks behind Eddie’s truck and switches off the Jeep’s ignition, slouches down in his seat and attempts to gather his thoughts.

‘Cause the thing is… Eddie knows him.

Sure, they’re partners, they’re meant to anticipate each other’s next moves and trust each other’s instincts. But. It’s more than that. Buck thinks maybe it’s always been more than that.

It’s the way Eddie seems to know when Buck needs a hand on his shoulder, to center him, bring him back to earth.

It’s the way Eddie can almost read his mind, can start to laugh at Buck’s joke before he even gets to the punchline.

It’s the way Eddie seems to know exactly when he needs video games and cuddles with Christopher.

It’s the way Eddie can hurt him in a way no one else can.

Buck can’t help the groan that escapes him. They’re going to need to talk. Not just flirting in his kitchen, in between pizza and video games with Christopher. But really, actually talk.

And with Eddie, sometimes that’s like pulling teeth. But there’s some stuff they need to iron out.

He thinks he’d like an apology, at least an explanation. _You’re exhausting!_ replays in his head at least every other day, and it feels so long ago now, but the wound is still festering and he can’t feel like a burden again. He won’t.

Buck thinks, maybe, they’re both afraid of being left behind. Of not being enough. Of failing.

But he also thinks, maybe, they could deal with those fears together better than they could apart.

He knows he’s not perfect. And he knows Eddie’s not perfect either. Their relationship, in any and all of its forms, is going to take work, and patience, and care. But he also knows, with a certainty in his gut and a confidence in his heart, that if they work together on it, they can make something incredible.

Birds are chirping from a tree nearby. The sun is rising behind him to bathe the house in a warm glow. It feels like a beacon, drawing him in. Calling him home.

His phone buzzes a few times in his pocket, making him jump slightly. He’s got new messages,

**From: Eddie**

_Chris is up and ready for pancakes_

**From: Eddie**

_I’m ready too_

**From: Eddie**

_We’re just waiting on you man_

His mouth twists into a small smile as he pockets his phone again and climbs out of his Jeep.

Buck’s ready too.  
  



End file.
